REGARDING OPINIONS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Very often we're overly concerned over what others say and think about us. We place too much importance on their opinions and allow them to influence our own thoughts and actions.

When we do that, we make ourselves vulnerable unnecessarily. We can't help what others say and think. If someone is prejudiced against you for some unjustified reason, there's really nothing you can do about it. What you can do for yourself is to not let it bother you.

I'm not saying we should be totally indifferent to the opinions of everyone else. There are those whose opinions count. If you're holding a job, your boss' estimation of your job performance should matter to you. If you're selling a product or rendering a service, you can't afford to be indifferent to the opinions of your customers and clients.

Needless to say, we should care how we we stand in the regard of those whom we like, respect and admire. These are the kind of people who matter, the ones whose opinions we value. Ranking top in their list would be our loved ones, our friends and those for whom we have high regard.

But the one person whose opinion matters most is you yourself. You should always have self-esteem. If you don't, you're short of the one thing you need to make the most of your own life.

Look at yourself from an unbiased angle and pass judgment on yourself. Be neither overly harsh nor lenient in the process. Just be honest. Make an inventory of your own faults and shortcomings. Drop all the excuses. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but everyone has to do it. Decide to do something about your faults and weaknesses. Learn how to forgive yourself. You cannot venture upon a new path if you're burdened with a load of guilt and self-condemnation.

Start anew. Persist in your attempts at self-improvement until the day comes when you truly believe you're as good as anyone else. That self-opinion is really something you owe yourself.

START YOUR DAY RIGHT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

As soon as you open your eyes each morning, your brain goes into gear and your vehicle of conscious thought starts running. The feeling you have right at that very moment may well decide how smoothly (or otherwise) your machine is going to run the rest of the day.

Watch that feeling. It can make your day. Or it can do the reverse. Emotion does not evaporate as easily as morning dew. It lurks in the back of your mind, ready to come to the fore and renew its hold on you at the first opportunity you give it.

If the very act of waking up puts you in a grumpy mood, squash that mood. You can easily do it by observing a simple ritual. Sit up in bed and stretch. Then wish yourself a very good morning out loud. Hug yourself. That gesture is significant because it says you love yourself.

Go the bathroom and splash cold water on your face. Give your reflection in the mirror a big, broad smile. The very first smile you bestow at the start of the day should always be on yourself. It gets you ready to smile at the world.

Tell yourself it's going to be a happy, productive day for you. You're going to see that it is. And you will, if you start the day right.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

You've heard it time and again and you know what it means. To err is human, to forgive divine. Even if you're an atheist who doesn't give credence to the existence of any kind of divinity, you know full the implication of that oft-repeated saying. You have to be really big to forgive, especially when the harm done you or the loss you are put to isn't something you have earned or deserve.

Let's face it, we are not always that magnanimous. To truly forgive means to absolve the other party from all blame. It's also to acknowledge that he is not indebted to you for the damage or pain he has made you suffer.

When you are unable to bring yourself to forgive, bear in mind the resentment you feel is detrimental to you alone. It eats away at you. It does not lessen with time unless you allow it to. Anger and resentment stay alive and grow if you nurse them and refuse to let them die a natural death.

If you can't bring yourself to forgive, allow yourself to forget. Make yourself forget. You know how to push thoughts from your head. You've done it time and again. Do it now. Tell yourself it's for your own good. It really is. If magnanimity of heart cannot make you put away your resentment, let self-interest do the job. Surely you CARE for yourself!

You've already been the victim of one injustice. Don't let burning resentment victimise you further. Be kind to yourself and fling from your shoulders the weight that's pinning you down.

UP ON THE LADDER

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

We're all trying to climb the ladder of success -- or, at least, progress. So we should. Nature does not allow stagnantion. If we don't climb, we fall -- because motion is the very pulse of life.

While we're climbing that ladder, we tend to regard those on the upper rungs with envy. We wish we were up there among their ranks. By itself, such wishing is not wrong. It gives us the spur we need to climb.

But while we're fixing our gaze up there on the lofty heights, let's not forget to cast our gaze down once in a while. It'll help us remember the origins from which we came. However high we scale up the ladder, once our feet were those lower rungs.

The pride of achievement should never give us a sense of superiority over those who have not reached the height we have attained. Some of them may have weaker leg muscles. Others may not be exerting enough effort. We should be grateful we were not hindered the same way.

In any event, we should remember the ladder of success isn't a very steady contraption. It can take us to lofty heights but it can also send us plunging down to great depths. However high we've climbed, we can only cling on the best we can while we try to place our foot on the next rung.

There's plenty of room up there at the top -- if we can reach it. It costs us nothing to call out encouragement to those below. Then, if we ever miss our footing, chances are we won't hear taunting laughter. A kind hand just might stretch out to catch us instead.

A MATTER OF CHOICE

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Most of us do not have the privilege to live our lives the way we want to. The even greater pity is when circumstance prevents us from cultivating and developing our inner talents, the intrinsic aptitude we have for certain things.

A person born with an unusual skill often has to earn a living which gives him no opportunity to deploy that skill. If such is your case, you probably feel bitter. You might think you're in a rut and your life is one long drudge.

There are countless others like you who are also deprived of the opportunity to do what they're really good at. Most of them feel the same way you do. Well, they're not being smart and neither are you.

If you can't have what you want, do the best with what you have. You've heard this many times in the past but you probably never gave it much thought. Do so now. Stop wasting your mental effort telling yourself how much you dislike your present circumstances if you're unable to change them. Use your brain power in a different way.

Look at your current situation with different eyes. It's as palatable to you as you want it to be. Don't think of what you have as a dish you dislike. Regard it as food you are privileged to eat.

Think of those who'll go down on their knees and thank their lucky stars if they can be in your shoes right now. If you dislike your present job, consider those who are desperate for any kind of job.

To like or dislike anything is purely a matter of personal choice. You can never excel in anything when you've convinced yourself you dislike it. Your dislike or aversion is your own mental conditioning and nothing else. Shift your mindset and give yourself a chance to adapt.

Ask yourself which is the better option -- to accept what you have with gratitude and try to make it something even better -- or to regard what you have with discontent and waste your life in endless complaint.

YOUR TREASURE MAP

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

You have access to a map which leads you to untold wealth, riches beyond your wildest dreams. You've always had the map to this bounty in your possession, though you may not be aware of it.

The map is so simple that I'll simply describe it for you. It's drawn on a square sheet of paper which contains nothing but a circle with a dot right in the very centre. That's all there is, nothing else.

You're rather puzzled, aren't you? You're wondering whether this is a riddle or a joke. It's neither. It's the map that shows you where the treasure is.

Think of all the things you want most from life. Wealth, success, fame, position -- you probably want the same things a good many other people want too. You may have all these things but if two others are missing from your life, you will never know happiness. These two essential ingredients are peace and contentment.

When you are unable to be at peace with yourself and with the world, your life is a whirlpool, a constant turmoil. You'll always experience strife within and without.

If you don't know content, you'll spend your life searching and never finding. Whatever you acquire, you'll always want more. You'll never reach your destination because it keeps moving away from you.

Peace and contentment constitute the treasure that everyone seeks, whether they know it or not.

Look at your treasure map again. That dot in the centre is the treasure you seek. That circle is you. Just as the dot is inside the circle, the treasure you seek is within you.

What do you see outside the circle? Nothing but blank, negative space. No dots. No treasure. Peace and contentment are not found in externals. They're not linked to the money you have, the position you hold, the popularity you enjoy.

The map shows you the route to that priceless treasure you truly want. It's there for the taking. It's there, locked in your mind, that attic where every thought is stored. All you have to do is look within yourself to find it.

SMILE, IT'S WORTH YOUR WHILE

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

There's something priceless you can give to others as many times as you wish without impoverishing yourself. It's a smile.

A smile is a message. It tells the world that you feel life is worth living, whatever the circumstances that surround you. When you bestow it on another, you tell that someone you regard her with liking, respect and goodwill. You may not realise it, but in your own, tiny way you are spreading the message of peace and love. That smile you give can resonate in countless hearts because one smile invariably invites another.

When you smile at another with genuine warmth, you start the flow of a magic current. A person receiving a smile is prompted to pass it on to someone else. What happens when you smile and nod at a stranger you meet on the street? You light a spark within him. That nod is your acknowledgment of his presence. Your smile is an indication that you're pleased to encounter him. That gesture from someone he doesn't know at all affects him, even if he's not consciously aware of it. It can even make his day.

A smile must be genuine. It shows in the eyes if it comes from the heart. You cannot fake a smile. There's no earthly reason for you to do so. Why should you? The joy of a smile you give rebounds on you. It's something that only proves its worth when you give it to another.

Remember to smile at yourself too. Look in the mirror each morning and do it. It's a reminder that you love and accept yourself for what you are. You have no love to give anyone if you don't love yourself. And you have no genuine smile to beam on the world if you cannot give yourself one too.

Smile because it's truly worth your while. The more you give it away, the richer you get.