GIVING WHAT IS DUE

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Are you one of those people who find it very difficult, almost impossible, to praise another? If you are, you're not alone. Neither do you belong to the very few. If you use your eyes and your ears, you'll know that a good many people have this drawback.

When you see someone do something which is praiseworthy or commendable, don't be a miser with your praise. Be that person your child, you student, your employee or that subordinate -- or anyone else for that matter -- don't be relucant to show your approbation.

A word of praise is an acknowledgment of another's skill or ability. It is also a very powerful encourgement and goes a long way towards motivating him to do even better. Reflect on how you yourself feel when another tenders you sincere praise.

If you incapable or extremely relucant to utter that word of praise or pay that compliment, you have to look within yourself and ask yourself why you are so.

An employer might imagine praise breeds self-satisfaction in his staff and encourages them to slack in their efforts. He couldn't be more wrong. That pat on the back will spur them to greater efforts and achieve more excellence.

A mother may feel praise will spoil her child by making him feel smug. She too is dead wrong. It will instead provide her child incentive to obtain more approval from her in future.

If you too have these misconceptions you simply have to rid yourself of them. Motivational writers like Dale Carnegie and Norman Vincent Peale stressed the importance of demonstrating one's appreciation, approval and admiration to those who deserve them. Observe it in yourself. Would you go out of your way to disillusion a person who has just expressed his high estimation of you?

There might be another very unattractive reason why you dislike rendering praise to another. Deep down you just might be jealous of the other person's ability or skill or talent. You probably feel threatened and insecure. That might explain why you refuse to acknowledge his superiority to you in a particular aspect or field.

If such is the case, you owe it to yourself to outgrow this smallness of self. If a person is better than you in a certain respect, no amount of denial on your part is going to change that. Acknowledge that fact, be glad for that person and tell him so. When you are capable of doing this, you can give yourself a pat on the back because you too are deserving of praise.

TURN ON THE MAGIC

 

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Amidst the stress and hassle of everyday living, you often feel as if you need to take a long vacation to help you unwind. Unfortunately, sometimes you are unable to do that because of financial contraints or a myriad other reasons.

A vacation is only a temporary relief -- or reprieve -- however long it lasts. When it is over, you still have to return to the toil and moil in the pursuit of your livelihood or the fulfilment of your duties.

What you may not know is that, amidst the fog and smog of frenzied living, you can tune in to a channel which is like a breath of fresh air. It is a part of your mind which is capable of easing and soothing you and keeping you sane and balanced.

Just learn how to pick out sounds and convert them into music in your mind. What sounds? Sounds your ears hear everyday but which you never pay any attention to. A baby's gurgling, a mother calling out to her child, someone greeting another, someone using the word "please", another saying "thanks", the wind blowing over your head, a bird chirping, the clattering of crockery while the dishes are being washed, your father singing off-key under the shower, your husband snoring on his side of the bed -- the list goes on ad infinitum.

To convert those sounds into music, all you have to do is open that valve in your mind which lets magic flood your being. Tell yourself life is beautiful, despite everything that happens. Tell yourself no one's perfect, but everyone's special in his own way. Let a lilting ditty run through your head, even if it's only "Jingle Bells". Hum under your breath.

Sprinkle your life with stardust. Once in a while recall the happy times of your childhod. See lovers strolling hand-in-hand and remember that love is as perennial as the grass. Send out your good wishes to the world. Just say, "I wish all beings well" -- and MEAN IT!

Don't laugh and don't be cynical. Do it and see your world turn into a fairyland even without Disney's assistance.

SHED THAT LOAD

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Two monks, one with seniority and the other a novice, were about to wade across a stream when a pretty young damsel called out to them. She, too, wished to cross the stream but she didn't want to get her shoes and skirt wet. Shyly, she asked if one of them would carry her across.

The senior monk instantly bent down and asked her to climb on his back. The novice monk was aghast. Monks of their order, being celibate, weren't supposed to deliberately make physical contact with a woman. How could the other, despite his seniority, disregard that injunction and lift that girl on his back in that unseemly manner?

When they reached the opposite bank, the senior monk put the girl down and she went off after thanking him. The two monks then continued on their way in silence for the next hour or so.

All the while the novice monk continued to seethe with indignation at what his senior had done. Finally, he was unable to keep his feelings bottled up any longer.

Turning to his companion, he demanded, "Brother, how could you bring yourself to do what you just did? It's against the rules of our order! You should NOT have let that girl ride on your back! Didn't you feel her body press up against yours?"

The senior monk looked at his junior in surprise. "But I let her down more than an hour ago," he said, "and I've not given it another thought! Are YOU still carrying her in your mind?"

Sometimes when we pass judgment on another and voice our disapproval, we have to take a good look at ourselves. We have to examine our innermost feelings and ask ourselves in all honesty one important question. Deep down inside, are we that faultless after all? Are our motivations, and our intentions, that pure?

Being perfectly honest with ourselves is not easy. We are always so full of excuses for our own shortcomings and so ready to condemn those we see in others. If we're like that novice monk, we have a load to unburden. And it's not someone on our back. It's an even greater load deep within us that retards our growth as humans.

FINDING SOLUTIONS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Problems, hardships and obstacles are unavoidable. They're an inevitable pattern of life. No mortal, no matter how rich or privileged he may be, can escape them.

When a problem presents itself, you have one or two alternatives. You can either solve it or live with it. If it cannot possibly be resolved or removed, then obviously there is no course left for you but to accept the inevitable.

Most problems, however, can be solved -- or at least eased. The trouble is, sometimes you go about it the wrong way. Let's see how you may best equip yourself to solve a problem.

The first thing is NOT to regard it as insurmountable. The minute you adopt this mindset, that particular problem becomes beyond your capability to cope. You become like a lame person who tries to climb Mount Everest.

If your mind keeps dwelling upon a problem -- just the problem, not its possible solution -- that problem worsens. Whatever its nature -- be it related to your finances, your work, your relationships or your health -- it always expands in proportion to the frequency AND intensity of your thoughts.

If you want to deal with that problem, put yourself in a proper frame of mind before you pick it up. A proper frame of mind means banishing emotions like worry, anger, fear and other negative feelings. It means tuning into that wavelength of calmness and inner equilibrium.

Different people have different ways of achieving that frame of mind. Some resort to prayer or meditation, some use positive affirmations and some fall back on rational thinking. If possible, talk to someone, especially a person who is competent to help or advise you. Use the method that works best for you.

Problems are supposed to toughen you and make you stronger, wiser and more resilient. They can also broaden your sympathies by helping you empathise better with those who go through the same ordeal.

Don't be afraid to face the problems you encounter on the battlefield of life. You can't overcome an adversary whom you're afraid to meet head-on.

YOUR INNER RESPONDENT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

In an earlier article I said your mind will believe anything you tell it. It will, and it will also go about its work of getting you what you want by motivating you to do something, react in a certain manner or adopt a certain mindset or attitude.

But before it can do these things, your mind must have the co-operation of a deeper level of itself called the sub-conscious. This sub-conscious is a belief system formed through the sum total of everything you have ever heard, seen, read, experienced or thought in the past.

To penetrate your sub-conscious and alter its belief system takes effort and knowledge. If you've already convinced it that a certain thing is so, you have to know HOW to convince it otherwise.

The most effective way to do this is through constant repetition. But that's not all. What you repeat to your sub-conscious is what you yourself must be able to accept. In other words, you must address your sub-cosncious with full conviction.

If, for instance, you're in your sixties and you tell yourself you want to become an astronaut, your sub-conscious will recoil against that assertion. Nobody in your age group will EVER be allowed to man a space-craft. You can repeat that assertion till you're blue in the face but your sub-conscious will never accept it. Sometime in the past, through what you have read or heard or know from experience, you have already convinced your subconscious that such a thing is NOT possible.

But if you tell yourself you wish to be a great motivational speaker, your sub-conscious will sieve through the possibilities of how you may achieve that. Then it will direct you to think and conduct yourself in such a way that will let you work towards your goal.

Think of your sub-conscious as the inner respondent who is rational and intelligent. If you want to get through to that level of your mind, adopt the sensible approach. Give it something believable to chew on so it can find a formula that works for you.

PAY THE DEBT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Life deals out unequal portions. Some have more, some less. Some are born with silver spoons in their mouths, some in the midst of abject poverty.

Sometimes the difference is even more pronounced and of greater consequence. Some are born perfectly normal, some with physical and mental handicaps that cannot be rectified.

Whatever life deals out to you, there is no point in complaint or self-pity. Neither is it of any use attributing the unfairness to God, karma, chance or fate. You can spend your life bemoaning your lot or railing against cruel destiny but nothing is going to change the way things are for you.

If you cannot rid yourself of your bitterness, you're making your situation even more harsh. This time, it's YOU who's adding to the load you already have to carry.

Think of Helen Keller, the American author and humanitarian who was born blind, deaf and dumb. Think of Christopher Reeves, the Hollywood actor who became paralysed from the neck down in the prime of his life and at the height of his carrer. Think of Stephen Hawking, the brilliant physicist who used his brains to compensate for the physical advantages nature denied him. Read up or surf the net for accounts of those who are severely handicapped but who learned how to be independent in the face of seemingly impossible odds.

These people show you how to live life with courage, determination and faith in the self. They're not super-beings or immortal. They're flesh and blood like you. If they didn't buckle under, why should you? How CAN you?

Make a mental list of them and use them as inspirations. Each time you feel you cannot cope with your life, compare your situation with theirs. Be grateful your path is not as quite so steep. They fought, persevered and triumphed. You can do no less. You OWE it to yourself. Pay that debt and emerge a winner in the game of life.

STIFLE THAT YAWN

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Boredom is an ogre. Unlike its counterparts it doesn't rip you apart and feed on you. It merely stifles you to death.

If you can afford to feel bored because time hangs heavy on your hands, you're privileged. Others don't have sufficient time to do what they have to. But if you allow yourself to feel bored, you're doing yourself a disfavour. You're deliberately letting yourself sink into a rut.

And you're not happy. No person who admits that he is bored stiff can claim to be happy.

Don't make excuses for your boredom. There are a million things you can do with your hands and with your time. You should know what are the things YOU can do besides twiddling your thumbs and listening to time ticking away.

Try the pen and paper routine. List out all the things you can do HERE AND NOW. They need not even be "tasks" in the actual sense of the word. They might even be things you enjoy doing like watching a video or listening to your favourite music or driving down to the beach.

If you list actual chores you would like to do, begin with the simplest. Don't try to knock yourself out by being over ambitious. You might throw in the towel before you're even half-way through. And then you'll go back to being vegetable life again.

When you've compiled your list, get into the move. Do whatever it is you want to do. Each time you feel bored, consult that list. Whatever you do with your time, make sure it something useful or enjoyable. It would be ideal, of course, if you blend usefulness with enjoyment.

However you spend your time, keep that ogre boredom at bay. Stifle that yawn if it's not yet time for bed. Think how short our span of life is, even if we live to be a hundred. Boredom certainly has no place in this brief existence.