FINDING SOLUTIONS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Problems, hardships and obstacles are unavoidable. They're an inevitable pattern of life. No mortal, no matter how rich or privileged he may be, can escape them.

When a problem presents itself, you have one or two alternatives. You can either solve it or live with it. If it cannot possibly be resolved or removed, then obviously there is no course left for you but to accept the inevitable.

Most problems, however, can be solved -- or at least eased. The trouble is, sometimes you go about it the wrong way. Let's see how you may best equip yourself to solve a problem.

The first thing is NOT to regard it as insurmountable. The minute you adopt this mindset, that particular problem becomes beyond your capability to cope. You become like a lame person who tries to climb Mount Everest.

If your mind keeps dwelling upon a problem -- just the problem, not its possible solution -- that problem worsens. Whatever its nature -- be it related to your finances, your work, your relationships or your health -- it always expands in proportion to the frequency AND intensity of your thoughts.

If you want to deal with that problem, put yourself in a proper frame of mind before you pick it up. A proper frame of mind means banishing emotions like worry, anger, fear and other negative feelings. It means tuning into that wavelength of calmness and inner equilibrium.

Different people have different ways of achieving that frame of mind. Some resort to prayer or meditation, some use positive affirmations and some fall back on rational thinking. If possible, talk to someone, especially a person who is competent to help or advise you. Use the method that works best for you.

Problems are supposed to toughen you and make you stronger, wiser and more resilient. They can also broaden your sympathies by helping you empathise better with those who go through the same ordeal.

Don't be afraid to face the problems you encounter on the battlefield of life. You can't overcome an adversary whom you're afraid to meet head-on.

YOUR INNER RESPONDENT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

In an earlier article I said your mind will believe anything you tell it. It will, and it will also go about its work of getting you what you want by motivating you to do something, react in a certain manner or adopt a certain mindset or attitude.

But before it can do these things, your mind must have the co-operation of a deeper level of itself called the sub-conscious. This sub-conscious is a belief system formed through the sum total of everything you have ever heard, seen, read, experienced or thought in the past.

To penetrate your sub-conscious and alter its belief system takes effort and knowledge. If you've already convinced it that a certain thing is so, you have to know HOW to convince it otherwise.

The most effective way to do this is through constant repetition. But that's not all. What you repeat to your sub-conscious is what you yourself must be able to accept. In other words, you must address your sub-cosncious with full conviction.

If, for instance, you're in your sixties and you tell yourself you want to become an astronaut, your sub-conscious will recoil against that assertion. Nobody in your age group will EVER be allowed to man a space-craft. You can repeat that assertion till you're blue in the face but your sub-conscious will never accept it. Sometime in the past, through what you have read or heard or know from experience, you have already convinced your subconscious that such a thing is NOT possible.

But if you tell yourself you wish to be a great motivational speaker, your sub-conscious will sieve through the possibilities of how you may achieve that. Then it will direct you to think and conduct yourself in such a way that will let you work towards your goal.

Think of your sub-conscious as the inner respondent who is rational and intelligent. If you want to get through to that level of your mind, adopt the sensible approach. Give it something believable to chew on so it can find a formula that works for you.

PAY THE DEBT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Life deals out unequal portions. Some have more, some less. Some are born with silver spoons in their mouths, some in the midst of abject poverty.

Sometimes the difference is even more pronounced and of greater consequence. Some are born perfectly normal, some with physical and mental handicaps that cannot be rectified.

Whatever life deals out to you, there is no point in complaint or self-pity. Neither is it of any use attributing the unfairness to God, karma, chance or fate. You can spend your life bemoaning your lot or railing against cruel destiny but nothing is going to change the way things are for you.

If you cannot rid yourself of your bitterness, you're making your situation even more harsh. This time, it's YOU who's adding to the load you already have to carry.

Think of Helen Keller, the American author and humanitarian who was born blind, deaf and dumb. Think of Christopher Reeves, the Hollywood actor who became paralysed from the neck down in the prime of his life and at the height of his carrer. Think of Stephen Hawking, the brilliant physicist who used his brains to compensate for the physical advantages nature denied him. Read up or surf the net for accounts of those who are severely handicapped but who learned how to be independent in the face of seemingly impossible odds.

These people show you how to live life with courage, determination and faith in the self. They're not super-beings or immortal. They're flesh and blood like you. If they didn't buckle under, why should you? How CAN you?

Make a mental list of them and use them as inspirations. Each time you feel you cannot cope with your life, compare your situation with theirs. Be grateful your path is not as quite so steep. They fought, persevered and triumphed. You can do no less. You OWE it to yourself. Pay that debt and emerge a winner in the game of life.

STIFLE THAT YAWN

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Boredom is an ogre. Unlike its counterparts it doesn't rip you apart and feed on you. It merely stifles you to death.

If you can afford to feel bored because time hangs heavy on your hands, you're privileged. Others don't have sufficient time to do what they have to. But if you allow yourself to feel bored, you're doing yourself a disfavour. You're deliberately letting yourself sink into a rut.

And you're not happy. No person who admits that he is bored stiff can claim to be happy.

Don't make excuses for your boredom. There are a million things you can do with your hands and with your time. You should know what are the things YOU can do besides twiddling your thumbs and listening to time ticking away.

Try the pen and paper routine. List out all the things you can do HERE AND NOW. They need not even be "tasks" in the actual sense of the word. They might even be things you enjoy doing like watching a video or listening to your favourite music or driving down to the beach.

If you list actual chores you would like to do, begin with the simplest. Don't try to knock yourself out by being over ambitious. You might throw in the towel before you're even half-way through. And then you'll go back to being vegetable life again.

When you've compiled your list, get into the move. Do whatever it is you want to do. Each time you feel bored, consult that list. Whatever you do with your time, make sure it something useful or enjoyable. It would be ideal, of course, if you blend usefulness with enjoyment.

However you spend your time, keep that ogre boredom at bay. Stifle that yawn if it's not yet time for bed. Think how short our span of life is, even if we live to be a hundred. Boredom certainly has no place in this brief existence.

TURN ON THE SILENCE

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

You may find this a little caustic at first blush, but what the world needs is a little less talk.

Most of us talk too much. More than we need to. Of course we need to communicate. And pleasant conversation is something we shouldn't do without. But do you notice that we often say things which are totally redundant? That we talk just for the sake of talking and not because we really have something to say?

There's a definite disadvantage in this, though we hardly ever bother to think about it. When we let words flow thoughtlessly from our mouths, we sometimes say things which should be better left unsaid. This irrepressible urge to talk frequently gives rise to misunderstanding which in turn leads to strife.

Sometimes we talk aimlessly because we feel our silence may be misconstrued. We imagine others will think we are unsociable or moody and uncommunicative. Or worse, that our heads are so empty of thought we have nothing to say.

This is a misconception. Most people like the company of those who speak little. Do you notice how much less likely you are to be irritated if the person you're with doesn't chatter incessantly?

If you find you need to keep up a continuous conversation with a person when you're in his company, rest assured of one thing. The two of you don't have a comfortable relationship. That's why you feel the need to communicate with words. When there is too long a spell of silence, a sense of awkwardness creeps in.

We forget there is such a thing as companionable silence. We CAN be perfectly at ease with someone without having to resort to the medium of talk. We should cultivate the admirable habit of speaking a little less. The difference in our daily existence will bring home the truth that silence IS truly golden.

LETTING GO

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

There is a yoga called "the art of letting go" which teaches us how to live in peace with ourselves and with the world. It reminds us that all material things are impermanent and subject to the law of change. What we hold in our palm one moment may evaporate into nothingness the next.

We have to learn how to "let go" of that which we should not hold on to -- or that which is no longer ours to keep.

The first refers to unwholesome traits and outlooks which most of us possess in some degree or other. Only we ourselves can determine what they are. We know they make us less than what we can be as humans, yet we cling on to them and refuse to change. Again only we ourselves can explain why we maintain this perverse attitude.

The second refers to irretrievable loss -- the death of a loved one, the loss of property or missed opportunities. We know all these can never be ours again, yet we continue to indulge in grief, futile yearning and regret. We sieve through our pile of memories, even though they are like shards of broken glass which cut us and make us bleed.

In both cases, we have to let go. No other formula will work. We have to relinquish our way of thinking, release the past and focus on how we may use the present.

Letting go is not impossible, nor as difficult as we make it out to be. It all has to do with being honest with ourselves and not being afraid to face the truth. The truth about ourselves and the way things are for us.

Think of it as relinquishing our hold on a capsized boat which is fast sinking. If we persist in holding on to that boat, we sink with it. We have to let go before we can swim to shore and to a life worth living.

COMING TO TERMS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Death may not be the most cheerful subject to touch upon but we shouldn't be reluctant or afraid to think about it. It's the one absolute certainty each and every one of us has. What begins MUST end.

There is a well-known story of a woman who approached a sage with the corpse of her only child in her arms, begging him to use his powers to bring her dead child to life again. He agreed to do it for her on one condition. She must bring him a mustard seed from a house which death has never visited.

She went through the whole town to ask for that mustard seed but the inhabitants of every house she called at told her their homes had seen death at one time or another in the past. Aggrieved, she returned to the sage and told him she could not get that mustard seed. Every single home she visited had known the presence of the Grim Reaper.

The sage comforted her by showing her how to come to terms with the death of her child. He taught her death is the inevitable outcome of life, no matter when, how or where death claims its due.

Death is the culmination of all life on the material plane. When life springs, within it is embedded its own inevitable end. We should remind ourselves of this when we are in deep grief over the death of a loved one. The question we should pose ourselves is whether it is better to remember that loved one with pain or with love. Pain serves no purposes unless it teaches. What are we learning by prolonging or sorrow?

Words of comfort help when one is in pain. So do the sympathy and concern of others. But pain can be healed soonest when the balm of wisdom is applied on the wound. It is always the right knowledge that effects all cures.