THE NUMBER ONE PERSONA - PART 1

Article By
KAYSOON KHOO

It’s not a comfortable thought, but for practically each and every one of us, the greatest motivating factor is self-interest. Every single act you perform and every effort you make is for the advantage, benefit or happiness of that most important person of all – you yourself. Do you ever ask yourself why, of all the five pronouns in the English language, only “I” is always capitalised? And why is this all-important “I” referred to as the FIRST person in both speech and writing?

Consider this. When you strive for your loved ones, your friends, your community, your country – the possessive noun “your” is invariably present. If you are religious-minded, your very quest for heaven, salvation or the ultimate liberation is also for that most important person in your life – YOU!

Think of a life of righteousness and virtue as a path. You are a traveller who tries to walk that path. You are NOT one who shows that path for the weal and happiness of others. When you strive for perfection, you are doing it for yourself, not another. Face it – however you look at it, the Number One Persona is always there.

Of course there are exceptions to the rule. We know there are those who have the magnamity of heart and the altruism to forego self-interest and place the welfare and happiness of others before their own. But these persons are very few and far between. It takes a very noble spirit to “give until it hurts”, as the saying goes. It’s almost superhuman because it goes against love of self. Most of us do not possess that nobility of spirit. And the saddest thing is the realisation that most of us never will. But that doesn’t mean we should not try to attain that ideal. The very attempt to reach perfection will work an improvement in us in some degree or other.

Let us take one example of such greatness of heart. In years past, when the treatment and prevention of leprosy was in a much less advanced stage, those afflicted with the disease were segregated from society and placed in colonies to prevent contagion. There were volunteers who offered their services, in one way or another, in these colonies so they could allay the sufferings on those stricken with the disease. Those volunteers opted to live and work among those striken with the incurable disease. They did it with full awareness of the high risk that they themselves would contract the disease through close contact with the lepers. Likely as not, those volunteers ended up being afflicted with the terrible disease. But they were prepared for that fate when it overtook them. It was a price they were willing to pay when they set out on their mission of mercy.

Today, there are numerous volunteers of charitable NGO’s who endanger their safety, health, and even lives to lend their assistance in situations which pose very real danger to themselves. I shall not identify any of these organisations or cite examples of their courage and selflessness in the missions of mercy they carry out. If you read the papers, listen to the news or surf the net you will know who these unsung heroes are. You’ll realise just how much they contribute. Like those voluntary workers in leper colonies they set aside the consideration of their own welfare and stretch out the hand of selfless love.

How do the rest of us contribute? By donating money, collecting needed items, arranging for shipment, or perhaps providing temporary accommodation for victims of disasters. No matter how much we commiserate, that’s about as much as we can do. How many of us would have the guts and the magnanimity to risk our safety and our lives for the sake of those whom we don’t even know? Our love for that “number one person” will prevent us from taking that drastic a step. It is not a happy thought but it IS a fact that most of us are incapable of making that sort of sacrifice.

If you’re still not convinced how strong an influence attachment to the self has over you, ask yourself this question. Are you capable of bestowing as much love on another’s child as you do your own? I’m not talking about a child who’s in your care or custody; or one whom, through familiarity, you’ve learnt to love like your own. I’m talking about a child you’ve never seen before. The child of a stranger. Look at him; then look at your own child. If you’re able to radiate the SAME degree of affection to both, kudos to you! You’re the kind who can light a beacon to guide others along the road of life.

But if you can’t, you don’t have to castigate yourself. You’re like most of your kind, save for that very small handful who have mastered true detachment. We’re not concerned with them. This blog is about how to seek joy and fulfillment in our lives. Those people have already passed the level we’re trying to reach. Their joy and fulfillment lie in the happiness and welfare of others.

What has been said so far is not meant to paint the majority of humanity in an unfavourable light. It’s intended to highlight the overriding trait in the human race, so you’ll know what you have to contend with when you strive for self-improvement. You have to recognise the truth about yourself before you can make that change which will make you a happier, more fulfilled person.

 

 

(continued in Part 2 )

 

STARTING YOUR DAY RIGHT - PART 3

Article By
KAYSOON KHOO

When you've recited to yourself that magical formula before the mirror, you've put yourself in the right frame of mind. Sustain it while you’re taking your bath, preparing your breakfast and getting dressed for work. The longer you maintain that buoyant spirit, the more it intensifies, and the longer it stays with you.

How do you keep that good feeling alive? Do something spontaneous, like singing or humming a tune under your breath as you go about your little tasks. Be careful what song you pick when you fill your head with music. Let it be one with a happy connotation. Songs and their lyrics leave subtle impressions in our minds. Look at the lyrics of hymns and religious songs. Why do you think they are composed in that special way?

If you don’t know any appropriate songs, hum “Jingle Bells”. Never mind if it’s June; that little ditty is replete with happy connotations. Or let a lilting tune run through your head whenever you get a dose of what is known as “the blues”. If you’ve ever heard Mantovani’s rendition of the Swedish Rhapsody, you’ll know that some tunes literally make the heart dance.

I’m not going overboard in insisting that you sing or hum the right kind of song. Music hath charms, but it can swing your emotions either way. There’s a particular oldie composed and recorded by Simon and Garfunkle way back in the sixties, with lyrics that go:

A winter’s day, in a deep and dark December.

I am alone, gazing from my window to the streets below,
On a freshly fallen, silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock, I am an island.

Look at the words – deep and dark December, I am alone, silent shroud of snow, I am an island! The implication is that the singer is strong because he cuts himself off from the rest of humanity! If that’s so, why did someone assert that “no man is an island”?

What MOOD does the song try to put you in? It gets even worse in another verse :

And I have no need of friendship;

Friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock, I am an island.

These are messages you DON’T want to relay to your inner self! That’s why I’m saying you can’t just sing ANY song to lighten up your spirits. Simon and Garfunkle’s “I am a Rock” isn’t tailored to make you feel happy. It’s meant to do the OPPOSITE. The lyrics are the outpourings of someone who’s given up on life, love and himself! How do you think your mind will respond if you keep planting within it the ideas suggested in that song? Stick to Jingle Bells.

Another thing you can do to preserve that happy feeling is to insert into your mind a picture of someone, the very thought of whom gives you a warm glow inside – someone you love very much. That person could be your child, who’s still in his cot, fast asleep – your wife, who’s in the hospital, recovering from an operation – your good friend, who’s gone overseas to advance his job prospects – your grandfather, who’s dead, but whom you’ll always remember with the deepest affection.

It need not even be a person. It could be your pet, your little dog who goes into a frenzy of happiness each time you return home from work. It could be a place that you frequent when you want to get away from it all, and just enjoy the closeness of nature. It could be a picture you’re painting, which you consider your best effort so far. It could be a particular view you always enjoy looking at when you take the bus home each day. Just latch onto something that gives you a good feeling.

Those with religious convictions can use a religious icon – such as an image of Christ or the Buddha – to lift up their spirits and put them in the proper frame of mind when they encounter difficulties in their daily lives.

Whether you use messages or images to give yourself that inner lift, DO IT at the very start of each day and KEEP IT UP as the day progresses. Try your best not to let anything get you down.

Remember ALWAYS that each and every emotion you feel is a product of your own thoughts. That being the case, to shift an emotion that works against you – such as irritation, anger, fear and worry – simply replace the thought in your head with another.

Try repeating to yourself slowly, dwelling on the purport of the words, the following statement again and again until it sinks in deep within your consciousness: “I am always deeply relaxed, and in full control of myself in every situation.” This is a message your mind can readily accept. After all, you’re not telling yourself you can sprout wings and soar above the rooftops. What you’re telling yourself is something your mind can absorb and digest. And what your mind believes and accepts, it brings about. You’ll find that you really BECOME a person who is calm, self-collected and always in control.

The key to success when you use these methods, or any other for that matter, is CONSISTENCY. Keep at it, day by day, all your waking moments or as often as you can. The loveliest thing about this exercise is that it never wears you out. The more you practice it – and experience its effects – the more you want to indulge in it. This, you might say, is one form of addiction where the benefits are immeasurable and the ill-effects nil.

Start your day with the conviction that you are meant to be happy and that happiness is everyone’s NATURAL state. If you don’t already know this for a fact, you’ll find out the truth for yourself when you get into the habit of starting each day right and letting a positive frame of mind sustain you for the rest of your day.

 

Enjoy your day, enjoy your life!

 

 

STARTING YOUR DAY RIGHT - PART 2

Article By
KAYSOON KHOO

 

 

Now for that formula, mantra, incantation (think of it anyway you like) that you’ve been asked to recite. “Good morning, John! You are a wonderful person, and a happy and productive day awaits you!”

The very first word “good” has the most positive connotation among all the words in your entire vocabulary. It denotes the quality of every single thing you ask from Life. You treasure your good health, you want to earn a good living, you value the friendship of all your good friends, you try to be a good person – in short, “good” is the predominant colour you want to see on the canvas of your life. We're agreed on that, aren’t we? Good.

“Morning” signifies not only the start of a new day, but the start of another stretch of waking hours in which you can make the right choices. Every single passing moment gives you the opportunity to make a choice. It presents you with an option. An option to do, say, feel or THINK as you please – especially the last. NO ONE can deprive you of the freedom to plant whatever thought you want in your head. The word “morning” indicates the bright start of all these opportunities.

Never mind if you worked the night shift, went to bed at eight in the morning, and got up at three in the afternoon. Wish yourself “good morning” instead of “good afternoon”. The word “afternoon” tells you more than half the day is gone. And the afternoon is hardly the most salubrious part of the day. It simply doesn’t have the bright promise of the beginning of a new day. So stick to “morning” and IMAGINE its invigorating freshness all about you.

The next word you utter is your own name. Instill warmth and affection into your voice when you say your name. It means you love and accept yourself for what you are. So, all right, you may not be the ideal person (how many of us are?) and you may have many shortcomings (how many of us don’t?). That doesn’t mean you cannot be better than what your are right now.

Strive to improve yourself by all means, but UNLESS you can love yourself in spite of all your imperfections, you CANNOT really love anyone else. You cannot give anyone money when you don’t have a single cent to bless yourself with. In other words, if you cannot love yourself, you become a machine, something totally incapable of affection. Scary thought, isn’t it?

That’s why you have to regard yourself the right way when you speak your own name out loud. Have a high regard for that person you see in the mirror. His weal and woe are your sole responsibility. NO ONE can ever uderstand him and know him the way you do. If you don’t LOVE him, how can anyone else do so?

The next thing you tell yourself is that “you a wonderful person”. You don’t have to squirm with embarrassment when you say this, even if modesty is your middle name. You really ARE a wonderful person. For that matter, so is each and every human being who lives and breathes.

WHY are you wonderful? Consider what you are. You belong to the specie at the very top of the food chain. You are a unique creation of Nature with the special gift of intellect. You have the great privilege of choice in thought, which in turn gives you endless options to do what you wish with your life. And no one else is quite like you. There is NO exact duplicate of you in this whole word; no, not even if you have an identical twin. If all that isn’t wonderful, try to figure out what is.

The last part of the message you deliver yourself when you look in the mirror says, “A happy and productive day awaits you.” The two most significant words are, of course, “happy” and “productive”. Let’s examine each of them in turn.

Like every normal person, you want to be happy. When you tell yourself the day holds happiness in store for you, you are promising yourself you’ll generate that happiness within you throughout the day. It MUST come from the inside. Happiness is one article you cannot pick up from the shelf. You have to manufacture that product yourself if you want to enjoy it.

Neither is happiness a windfall. It’s not stepping out of your house and finding a hundred-dollar note someone has accidentally dropped. If you look at it the right way, finding a hundred-dollar note never gives as much joy and satisfaction as earning a hundred bucks through your own efforts or talent. You can pocket that money, but the knowledge that it isn’t really yours won’t go away. There will also come the gnawing thought that the person who dropped the money may not be able to afford its loss. A conscience that bothers you is not quite the ingredient to put into the pot when you want to stir up something with a happy taste.

No, that isn’t the kind of happiness you wish for yourself during the day. You wish for happy circumstance, but you do not want gain at the expense or loss of another. What you really wish for is that bright, optimistic, confident mood that lets you enjoy the challenge of your work, the company of your colleagues and everything you experience throughout the day. THAT is the happiness you ask for yourself at the start of each new day. FEEL that happiness even as you wish it on yourself.

Now, take the other word “productive”. A non-productive day is a useless day, and all the non-productive days strung together constitute a useless life. No right-thinking person wants that for himself.

As your day progresses, you want to fill your time doing things which are of benefit to yourself and others. You do just that if you devote yourself whole-heartedly to your job duties. What you do benefits the company, and what benefits the establishment you work for benefits you too. After all, you’re part and parcel of it. You want to feel that you belong to the crew of that boat in which you’re sailing, not a mere passenger. You want to help row that boat instead of sitting idly and letting others get you to your destination. That’s why you’ll find that the sense of satisfaction you derive from a good day’s work is priceless. You need neither praise nor approbation because you yourself KNOW the volume and quality of your output.

That doesn’t mean you are only productive when you keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel. You also do that when you help a colleague solve a problem or give an encouraging word to another. You are helping them cope in a situation which presents difficulty for them. You are contributing. There are countless ways in which you can contribute. Just use your eyes and your brain and you’ll see them. Give and grow. Life gives everyone endless options for personal growth.

You are also being productive when you do anything which benefits yourself. Dropping in at a bar and having a beer to unwind after a hard day’s work is productive because you need that break. The same goes for a workout out at the gym. Or taking in a movie. Or making love with your partner. Or even shooting the breeze with a friend and relaxing. Enjoy yourself all the way and you’ll derive the benefit. And benefit is what productivity is all about.

You NEED all those recreational activities because they make you feel good. When you feel good, you can do more for yourself and for others. In short, you become even MORE productive.

You don’t have to be fanatical when it comes to the concept of productivity. Not everyone can feed the millions, or come up with a new invention which proves itself a boon to mankind, or make major decisions which benefit the nation at large. Just do what you have to do to the best of your ability, with the right frame of mind, and you are productive all the way.


( continued in Part 3 )

STARTING YOUR DAY RIGHT - PART 1

Article By
KAYSOON KHOO

 

In an earlier article, I touched on how we should begin our day. Let's now have a look at exactly how we may go about it in this three-part article.

The minute you open your eyes each morning, remember to thank the Universe. Say the words “thank you” out loud. Let the first emotion you feel as soon as you awake be that of gratitude. This emotion works wonders when it comes to seeking blessings from Life, because unless you are grateful for what you already have, you don’t deserve more!

You have plenty to be grateful for. First and foremost, you’re still alive. Don’t take that for granted. To be able to wake up to another day is not something that’s guaranteed to everyone when he closes his eyes for sleep each night. Some never get to open them again. That’s why sleep is sometimes referred to as the “little death”. Think of that and treat each day as another gift from Life.

There are a host of other things you should be grateful for. The ability to think is one of the most precious gifts Life gives you. When you have this gift, you have CHOICE! What choice? The choice to plant whatever thoughts you want in your head. The choice to decide each and every single act you perform, as well as every single word you utter. The choice to feel good if you want to.

Feeling good is a personal choice, whatever the circumstances that surround you. You may be sweltering under the scorching sun of the Sahara -- and feeling grateful that you're not gripped by the freezing cold of the Antartica. Or vice versa. Sometimes fate sketches on your canvas of life. But it always allows you to choose the colours you wish to dab onto the canvas. In short, when you move your lips, you decide whether they should droop or tilt.

Let’s assume that the alarm you have set in your clock woke you up. You reach for the clock to switch off the din that grates on your ears, and instead knock it off the bedside table. You swing your legs off the bed to bend down and pick up the clock, and stub your toe against the thing. You feel the sudden pain, but don’t curse. Just say “oops” and leave it at that.

You go to the bathroom and find that you’ve run out of toothpaste. No matter how hard you squeeze, nothing will come out of the tube. Push down that wave of irritation that rises in you. Don’t make a big thing out of it. Just force it out gently but firmly by giving a shrug and saying, “So what?” Make do the best you can with tap-water and a dash of salt. And remember even more firmly to get a fresh tube on your way home from work today.

Anything can go “wrong” for you when you start your day. There may be sudden water-rationing or power disruption, the car may develop engine trouble, the workers of the bus service you use may go on strike – anything at all can happen.

When things happen, they either suit your convenience or they don’t. Actually, these things are neither “wrong” nor “right”. Some of them just happen. They’re unforseen and there’s nothing you could have done to prevent them. Others happen because YOU allow them to – like the car's engine trouble or the shortage of toothpaste. Whatever they are, nothing is solved or rectified if you allow yourself to be irritated.

Adopt the smart approach. Take a deep breath and ask yourself what's to be done next. It works for all the most successful and happiest people you can find anywhere.

Always choke back that curse word. Don’t let it be your automatic response every time something goes wrong in your life. It never makes you feel better or relieves your feelings. It merely aggravates the foul mood you’re already in. Giving vent to your anger or irritation through obscenity or blasphemy is not the answer. The more you do it, the more the habit grows on you. Learn how to keep it in check and abstain from it altogether. Then see how much more you’re respected and liked when you move among others.

Here’s something you can do to start your day off right. Go the bathroom, rinse your face with cold water, then look in the mirror, give your reflection a great big smile, and wish yourself good morning – out loud. And don't forget to put enough lilt in your tone. You know full well the impression a tone of voice can make. Don't let your "good morning" sound as if you're saying, "Oh no, not another day!"
 
If your name is John, say, “Good morning, John! You are a wonderful person, and a happy and productive day awaits you!"
Don't say those words by rote. FEEL that it’s indeed a great morning, FEEL as wonderful as you tell yourself you are, BELIEVE that a happy and productive day awaits you, and ANTICIPATE it.

Don’t think of this exercise as childish or inane. It is NOT! By smiling at yourself in the mirror and addressing yourself this way, you are programming the right data into the computer of your mind. All those words you have uttered have purport. Let’s examine them and see what you have just told yourself.

But before we do so, let’s first consider that smile you give your own reflection. When you smile at your reflection, it smiles right back at you. So it is with the world. When you flash a happy look at those you encounter, they’ll beam back the same warm response to you. Not ALL of them, naturally. Some may be so wrapped up in their own dark moods, they won’t have a smile for anyone. But you won’t care! What’s important to you is the lift in your spirits you feel when you give away a smile – which, as someone so aptly puts it, is worth nothing until it’s given to another.

 

 

 

( continued in Part 2 )

 

 

RICH AND POOR

Article By
KAYSOON KHOO

Two men arrive at a village together. One rides in a chauffeur-driven limousine and the other on a rickety bicycle. Their stations in life are as far apart as the north pole from the south. One has everything money can buy, the other possesses only the clothes he wears and the old contraption he pedals.

The proprietor of the village inn rushes out to welcome the man in the limousine. As the wealthy man is alighting from his posh vehicle, he notices the poor man, who happens to be cycling past.

"My friend," the rich man calls out to the other, "I would gladly exchange this limousine for your bicycle -- if I could learn to ride it. And you know I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

The poor man on the bicycle nods sympathetically. Then, as a gesture of  kindness, he alights from his bicycle and helps the rich man into his wheelchair.

HOLD ON

HOLD ON
A Pueblo Indian Prayer


Hold on to what is good,
Even if it's only a handful of earth.

Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.

Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it's a long way from here.

Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.

Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday I'll be gone and away from you.

Hold on ...
Because it's the only way anything worthwhile may be attained.

SWIM OUT TO YOUR SHIP

SWIM OUT TO YOUR SHIP

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Some people complain that opportunity never comes their way; or, when it does, it comes too late. The timing is always wrong. They look at people who make it, people who succeed, and put it down to luck. Or they ascribe it to the intervention of some divine source who practices favouritism.

Having drawn that conclusion, what do they do? They sit tight on their behinds and commiserate with their fate. And while they're frittering away precious moments in this useless manner, their ship comes in and goes back out to sea again without their even being aware of it. Which is to say, opportunities come and go for them and they remain blissfully ignorant.

Opportunity is nothing more than a favourable circumstance for you to achieve something. It's not always recognisable. Sometimes it plants itself right before you and you're not even aware of its presence. You have to learn how to recognise it so that you detect it as soon as it appears on your horizon. And you have to grab it without delay or hesitation. Opportunity is extremely volatile. It's like a bird that perches itself on a branch for a very brief moment. Even as you watch, it flies away, sometimes never to return.

An opportunity that allows you to attain or achieve something worthwhile is like a ship that sails into port, carrying merchandise specially for you. Sometimes that vessel calls frequently, and if you take the trouble to unload its cargo, your life is enriched.

But sometimes that ship does not come in. Opportunity seems to stay aloof from you, a stranger who does not wish to make your acquaintance. When this seems to be the case, there is only one thing you can do about the situation. You have to go out and look for what you want. You have to swim out to your ship.

Opportunties are everywhere. They take many forms because life is infinite variety. If you cannot find the type you're looking for, it could be due to any number of reasons. Perhaps you're looking in the wrong places or approaching the wrong people. Perhaps you're not going about it the right way. Whatever the reason, keep on looking.

Sometimes something quite different from what you anticipate comes your way. Consider the alternative that presents itself. Perhaps it might work better for you than what you've been searching for.

At other times you have to create that opportunity which will not come to you. Consider your situation, take stock of what you have, and put on your thinking cap. Ask around if you have to. You'll come out with a formula that works for you.

Opportunity has a strange habit of coming halfway to meet you when you go in quest of it. The harder you search for it, the closer it draws towards you. It's like a fair maiden who likes to be courted. If you display guts and determination, she's impressed. Opportunity and that fair maiden have one thing in common. Faint hearts never win them.

So stop waiting for your ship to come in. You might have to wait forever! Swim out to meet it -- against the tide, if you have to!