LETTING GO

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

There is a yoga called "the art of letting go" which teaches us how to live in peace with ourselves and with the world. It reminds us that all material things are impermanent and subject to the law of change. What we hold in our palm one moment may evaporate into nothingness the next.

We have to learn how to "let go" of that which we should not hold on to -- or that which is no longer ours to keep.

The first refers to unwholesome traits and outlooks which most of us possess in some degree or other. Only we ourselves can determine what they are. We know they make us less than what we can be as humans, yet we cling on to them and refuse to change. Again only we ourselves can explain why we maintain this perverse attitude.

The second refers to irretrievable loss -- the death of a loved one, the loss of property or missed opportunities. We know all these can never be ours again, yet we continue to indulge in grief, futile yearning and regret. We sieve through our pile of memories, even though they are like shards of broken glass which cut us and make us bleed.

In both cases, we have to let go. No other formula will work. We have to relinquish our way of thinking, release the past and focus on how we may use the present.

Letting go is not impossible, nor as difficult as we make it out to be. It all has to do with being honest with ourselves and not being afraid to face the truth. The truth about ourselves and the way things are for us.

Think of it as relinquishing our hold on a capsized boat which is fast sinking. If we persist in holding on to that boat, we sink with it. We have to let go before we can swim to shore and to a life worth living.

COMING TO TERMS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Death may not be the most cheerful subject to touch upon but we shouldn't be reluctant or afraid to think about it. It's the one absolute certainty each and every one of us has. What begins MUST end.

There is a well-known story of a woman who approached a sage with the corpse of her only child in her arms, begging him to use his powers to bring her dead child to life again. He agreed to do it for her on one condition. She must bring him a mustard seed from a house which death has never visited.

She went through the whole town to ask for that mustard seed but the inhabitants of every house she called at told her their homes had seen death at one time or another in the past. Aggrieved, she returned to the sage and told him she could not get that mustard seed. Every single home she visited had known the presence of the Grim Reaper.

The sage comforted her by showing her how to come to terms with the death of her child. He taught her death is the inevitable outcome of life, no matter when, how or where death claims its due.

Death is the culmination of all life on the material plane. When life springs, within it is embedded its own inevitable end. We should remind ourselves of this when we are in deep grief over the death of a loved one. The question we should pose ourselves is whether it is better to remember that loved one with pain or with love. Pain serves no purposes unless it teaches. What are we learning by prolonging or sorrow?

Words of comfort help when one is in pain. So do the sympathy and concern of others. But pain can be healed soonest when the balm of wisdom is applied on the wound. It is always the right knowledge that effects all cures.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Your mind holds a ceaseless monologue during your waking moments, much like a chatterbox who talks to himself. Just examine your thoughts. You'll find that words go on in your head all the time.

What does your mind say? It voices your reactions to the circumstances surrounding you. Let's look at some of the negative things it sometimes utters -- I really hate my job, it's so hot I'm going crazy, stupid TV programme, why doesn't she drop dead and leave me alone, damn those people next door, how on earth am I going to pay the arrears of rent, why the hell wasn't I born rich, etc.

Alarming, isn't it? Yet these are the kind of words you allow to resound in your head when life doesn't turn out the way you want it to. Here's a wake-up call. When things go wrong for you, it means you have to cope with whatever's gone awry. The more negative input you feed into your mind, the less capable you are of dealing with the situation.

Switch to another tongue. Use the language of faith and determination. Stop agitating your mind-pool and let the ripples subside. Tell yourself you are calm and self-collected and that you'll find a solution to each problem. Keep on telling yourself slowly and confidently that you are deeply relaxed and in full control.

Repeat those words like a mantra. Your mind will believe you. You'll become just that -- calm, relaxed and perfectly composed. And you'll be in the best position to do what must be done.

Your mind has no mind, so to speak. It merely absorbs and reacts accordingly. Like a small child, it believes implicitly everything you tell it.

Mind your language when you talk to yourself because that child is listening all the time. Say to yourself repeatedly that you are the strong, competent person you want to be -- and your mind will use its magical powers of transformation to turn you into just such an individual.

WALKING PROUD

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Life is a battlefield and many a time we have to fight for our very survival. Poverty, disease and crime are enemies we have to constantly battle against. When these three get the upper hand or run out of control, we face problems we cannot cope with. They seldom lose their grip or die a natural death if they are left alone.

There is yet one more formidabe adversary we have to contend against. Unfortunately, we seldom think about this foe or even recognise it as a foe.

It is the self -- or rather, the down-dragging tendency of the self. Let's think of it as our dark half. You may think the term overly dramatic but it is not. It is this aspect of the human personality that causes the greatest harm to our own selves as well as to others.

If we just take time to reflect, we'll know what are the components which make up our dark half. Greed, envy and unconscionableness are its three most formidable aspects. When they hold sway, the humane part of us recedes into the background of our consciousness. Then we find ourselves capable of justifying anything we do.

These are poisonous plants which do not spring into full growth overnight. They creep up on us and gain control over us by gradual stages. We don't even have to nourish them. All we have to do is ignore them and they will continue to grow of their own accord. They thrive best when we lie to ourselves, when we refuse to do honest soul-searching and acknowledge our own defects.

It will never do to refuse to face our dark half and contend against it. It is what every religious creed and every worthwhile philosophy tells us to guard against. Ultimately, it is the very thing that robs us of our humanity and takes away our justification for being alive.

When the day ends for each of us, we want to go into the sunset with our heads held high, not with our backs bowed by guilt and self-reproach. When we walk away, we want to walk proud.

A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

How many times have you found yourself in a situation you dislike but which persists in intensifying nevertheless? The more you hate it, the worse it gets. At such times you feel as if there is a perverse force working against you.

In actual fact, there is. YOU are generating that force. When you think of that thing you dislike, you give it energy. Your dislike works up your emotions. You feel irritated or angry. The stronger your reaction, the more energy you project into your environment.

Imagine you're cleaning the house. You keep on telling yourself it's a chore you positively hate. You'd rather be outdoors jogging. You resent having to do what you're doing.

Keep up that mindset and in no time the situation will set your teeth on edge and spiral into something beyond your control. You'll either turn the job into a mess or you won't get to finish it all.

Things will happen to hamper what you're doing. The phone will ring incessantly. Someone will drop in and deprive you of your precious time. Accidents will happen. The hoover will decide to stop functioning. You'll accidentally drop a whole stack of porcelain dishes and give yourself more work. One thing after another will crop up to give you additional misery.

You have to back up and tone down. Regard the job before you with different eyes. Don't think of it as cleaning the house. Think of it as something you're doing for your own home, your favourite corner of the world. Compare what you're doing with something infinitely more irksome -- like hoeing the fields in the hot sun.

And whistle while you work. Or put on some music. Remember what Mary Poppins said about a spoonful of sugar helping the medicine go down? Scoop some sugar into your mind and taste a different experience.

SCRATCH IT OUT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO


Are there any against whom you bear a grudge or positively hate? There are? Then you need to do this exercise for your own health. The sooner you find time to do it, the happier you will be.

Draw out your hate list in decreasing order so that the one you detest most tops the list, while the one against whom you are least peeved is named last.

Begin with the LAST name on your list and work your way up as you perform this exercise. This will help you gain momentum as your work upon the eradication of your negative feelings.

Look at each name, close your eyes and visualise that person's features. Then recite out loud, slowly: "I forgive you. I absolve you from all obligations to me. I free you. And I free myself."

Memorise those few lines so that you are able to recite them like a nursery rhyme you know by heart. When you've uttered those lines, take a pencil and scratch out that name. Scratch it out so thoroughly the pencil marks obliterate every single letter of the name.

Go to the name above that one and repeat the procedure. Work your way up until you reach the one topping the list, your arch enemy. The higher up the list you go, the harder you should concentrate on what you are reciting.

Don't heed the instinctive reactions you may have at the notion of what you are doing. Ignore the sneers, jeers and objections your inner voice may make. You have probably convinced yourself the hatred and resentment you feel are justified.

Take time to consider this little home-truth. You don't justify the existence of a malignant growth that eats away at you and gives you misery. You remove it.

Dwell on the last three words of the recitation -- "I free myself." That is precisely what you are doing, breaking free of your prison of hate and resentment.

Repeat the exercise for twelve nights in a row before you go to sleep, making sure those names always appear in the same order. At the end of that period, examine your own feelings with regard to each and every person on your hate list. You'll find it's no longer a hate list. You've freed them and you've freed yourself.

NO APPLAUSE, NO JEERS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

The next time you wish to pass the hat round for a deserving cause, try this method. It makes everyone feel good about giving. It also ensures that no donor will suffer any embarrassment, however small the amount he can afford, or is willing, to give. And if any decide not to give at all, no one will be the wiser for it.

This is how it's done. Have a sealed donation box placed in an adjoining room. Let all who are requested to donate step inside that room, one at a time. Each person who goes into the room may drop any amount she likes, or can afford, into the box with the certain knowledge that no one will be aware of how much she is giving. If she opts to put in nothing, that too is her personal choice.

This is a most effective way of putting into practice what that great teacher once taught us about not letting the left hand know what the right hand does.

The large donor will receive no recognition and will have no cause for pride. When the donation box is opened, there'll be no way to ascertain the size of any single donation. The only reward that awaits the generous giver is the experience of the joy of giving.

At this juncture we should also remind ourselves that it is not the amount of a donation that counts. It is the percentage of the donor's resources that he gives away which marks his generosity.

There are some who are capable of "giving until it hurts", to coin a popular phrase. If you are one of those who possess such bigness of heart, then you truly understand the spirit of giving.