KEEPING UP ILLUSIONS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Is it important to you to keep up with the Joneses? Do you always try to keep pace with your contemporaries by acquiring all the things they have? Are you obsessed with upgrading your lifestyle so that it is at par with theirs?

If your answer is "yes" to all those questions, you're being unjust to yourself. How so? Because you're probably making a good many sacrifices you don't have to. You're putting yourself to unnecessary expense and wasting your time and effort trying to achieve something which is of no consequence at all.

You have to remind yourself that how the Joneses live their lives is really no concern of yours. When you acquire something for yourself, it should be because you really want or need it. Not because you feel you MUST have it to create a suitable impression.

And while you're trying to hold your own in this spirit of competition, does it ever occur to you the Joneses may have problems with which you're not burdened? For all you know, they may be wishing they were in YOUR shoes. Externals tell very little. That's why comparing and competing are exercises in futility.

You have no reason at all to try to "keep up" with anybody. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Just live your life and enjoy what you have. That way you'll be really fair to yourself and to those who depend on you.

THE WELL OF LONELINESS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

If you constantly feel lonely, you have to take stock of what's going on in your head. Loneliness, like any other emotion, is a frame of mind, nothing more. You cannot feel lonely unless you convince yourself you are so.

Being alone and feeling lonely are two different experiences. You can be all by yourself and not feel lonely. On the other hand, you can be in the company of people you know and still suffer the pangs of loneliness. It all depends on the messages you are feeding yourself.

More often than not, loneliness springs from boredom and idleness. There's no cure more effective than activity. Find something to occupy BOTH your hands and your mind.

Negative thinking, which in turn leads to self-pity, is another source from which loneliness springs. This frame of mind is insidious and you have to guard against it. If left to fester too long, it can turn into manic depression, which robs you of logical thought and self-control.

To offset your dejection, try counting your blessings. Don't say you've nothing to be grateful for. Consider yourself fortunate to be able to read. Millions can't. Some can't even see!

Do this simple exercise and see the amazing results it brings. Write down all the things you have. Start with being alive. Next, note down the exact time you had your last full meal. It wasn't several days ago, was it? Keep on extending your list. After writing down each item, ask yourself whether EVERYONE in the world possesses that same thing. I think you get the idea.

The loneliness you feel is like water you draw from a well. The water is brackish and unfit for drinking. Unfortunately, it's from the well you yourself have dug. Fill up that well before thirst prompts you to drop your bucket into it again. Go and look for that spring of fresh, clear water that will truly quench your thirst.

Loneliness and desponency are not formidable demons. You gave them form and substance. You can snuff out their existence anytime you want to. Do it and lead the fuller and happier life you're meant to.

THE SIXTH HAPPINESS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Way back in the fifties, Hollywood released a very entertaining and enlightening movie entitled "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness". Its story is based on the biography of Gladys Aylward, a Christian missionary who held the rare and noble conviction that we are all accountable for one another.

When she arrived in China as a young girl, Gladys Aylward worked in an inn which catered to muleteers. The establishment bore a very unusual name. It was known as the Inn of the Sixth Happiness.

Gladys was told the Chinese wished everyone the five joys -- wealth, longevity, good health, virtue and a peaceful death in old age. When she asked what the sixth happiness was, the answer puzzled her. It was not something she expected to hear. It was not even an answer at all but a statement. Each one had to decide for himself what the sixth happiness meant to him.

You have to ask yourself the same thing too. The world you live in is that Inn of the Sixth Happiness. Like an inn, it is but a temporary abode. During your brief sojourn here, what is the greatest prize you seek, apart from the first five blessings?

Let's put it this way -- if you were granted only one wish, what would it be? Think well before you give your answer. It will tell you what values and standards you place upon yourself. And it will give you an insight into the person within you -- the REAL you.

 

THE FINGER THAT POINTS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Do you ever notice that when we point with the forefinger, the other three point right back at us? It tells us something. It reminds us we shouldn't be too eager to point the accusatory finger at another.

We all tend to pass judgement on someone else at one time or another. We draw a conclusion and arrive at a vedict. We base our estimation of the other party on the conclusion we have arrived at. Sometimes (and this really awful) we don't even verify the facts but merely form an opinion through hearsay.

Perhaps what we should do the next time we tend to play judge is ask ourselves whether it's any of our business what kind of person the other party is. Are we accountable for him in any way? If not, why are we so busy trying to evaluate his character, morals and ethics? It's nothing but a waste of our mental effort, which may be put to better use --  like making an honest asessment of OURSELVES and putting to rights anything which does not conform to our own high standards.

We should remind ourselves that we too may be judged. Those with religious convictions should remember there's a Higher Judge whose decision is never biased. In any event, let's all just bear in mind that when it comes to delivering judgment, there's always a court of law to perform that function. We really shouldn't bother!

REGARDING OPINIONS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Very often we're overly concerned over what others say and think about us. We place too much importance on their opinions and allow them to influence our own thoughts and actions.

When we do that, we make ourselves vulnerable unnecessarily. We can't help what others say and think. If someone is prejudiced against you for some unjustified reason, there's really nothing you can do about it. What you can do for yourself is to not let it bother you.

I'm not saying we should be totally indifferent to the opinions of everyone else. There are those whose opinions count. If you're holding a job, your boss' estimation of your job performance should matter to you. If you're selling a product or rendering a service, you can't afford to be indifferent to the opinions of your customers and clients.

Needless to say, we should care how we we stand in the regard of those whom we like, respect and admire. These are the kind of people who matter, the ones whose opinions we value. Ranking top in their list would be our loved ones, our friends and those for whom we have high regard.

But the one person whose opinion matters most is you yourself. You should always have self-esteem. If you don't, you're short of the one thing you need to make the most of your own life.

Look at yourself from an unbiased angle and pass judgment on yourself. Be neither overly harsh nor lenient in the process. Just be honest. Make an inventory of your own faults and shortcomings. Drop all the excuses. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but everyone has to do it. Decide to do something about your faults and weaknesses. Learn how to forgive yourself. You cannot venture upon a new path if you're burdened with a load of guilt and self-condemnation.

Start anew. Persist in your attempts at self-improvement until the day comes when you truly believe you're as good as anyone else. That self-opinion is really something you owe yourself.

START YOUR DAY RIGHT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

As soon as you open your eyes each morning, your brain goes into gear and your vehicle of conscious thought starts running. The feeling you have right at that very moment may well decide how smoothly (or otherwise) your machine is going to run the rest of the day.

Watch that feeling. It can make your day. Or it can do the reverse. Emotion does not evaporate as easily as morning dew. It lurks in the back of your mind, ready to come to the fore and renew its hold on you at the first opportunity you give it.

If the very act of waking up puts you in a grumpy mood, squash that mood. You can easily do it by observing a simple ritual. Sit up in bed and stretch. Then wish yourself a very good morning out loud. Hug yourself. That gesture is significant because it says you love yourself.

Go the bathroom and splash cold water on your face. Give your reflection in the mirror a big, broad smile. The very first smile you bestow at the start of the day should always be on yourself. It gets you ready to smile at the world.

Tell yourself it's going to be a happy, productive day for you. You're going to see that it is. And you will, if you start the day right.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

You've heard it time and again and you know what it means. To err is human, to forgive divine. Even if you're an atheist who doesn't give credence to the existence of any kind of divinity, you know full the implication of that oft-repeated saying. You have to be really big to forgive, especially when the harm done you or the loss you are put to isn't something you have earned or deserve.

Let's face it, we are not always that magnanimous. To truly forgive means to absolve the other party from all blame. It's also to acknowledge that he is not indebted to you for the damage or pain he has made you suffer.

When you are unable to bring yourself to forgive, bear in mind the resentment you feel is detrimental to you alone. It eats away at you. It does not lessen with time unless you allow it to. Anger and resentment stay alive and grow if you nurse them and refuse to let them die a natural death.

If you can't bring yourself to forgive, allow yourself to forget. Make yourself forget. You know how to push thoughts from your head. You've done it time and again. Do it now. Tell yourself it's for your own good. It really is. If magnanimity of heart cannot make you put away your resentment, let self-interest do the job. Surely you CARE for yourself!

You've already been the victim of one injustice. Don't let burning resentment victimise you further. Be kind to yourself and fling from your shoulders the weight that's pinning you down.