THE SIXTH HAPPINESS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Way back in the fifties, Hollywood released a very entertaining and enlightening movie entitled "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness". Its story is based on the biography of Gladys Aylward, a Christian missionary who held the rare and noble conviction that we are all accountable for one another.

When she arrived in China as a young girl, Gladys Aylward worked in an inn which catered to muleteers. The establishment bore a very unusual name. It was known as the Inn of the Sixth Happiness.

Gladys was told the Chinese wished everyone the five joys -- wealth, longevity, good health, virtue and a peaceful death in old age. When she asked what the sixth happiness was, the answer puzzled her. It was not something she expected to hear. It was not even an answer at all but a statement. Each one had to decide for himself what the sixth happiness meant to him.

You have to ask yourself the same thing too. The world you live in is that Inn of the Sixth Happiness. Like an inn, it is but a temporary abode. During your brief sojourn here, what is the greatest prize you seek, apart from the first five blessings?

Let's put it this way -- if you were granted only one wish, what would it be? Think well before you give your answer. It will tell you what values and standards you place upon yourself. And it will give you an insight into the person within you -- the REAL you.

 

THE FINGER THAT POINTS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Do you ever notice that when we point with the forefinger, the other three point right back at us? It tells us something. It reminds us we shouldn't be too eager to point the accusatory finger at another.

We all tend to pass judgement on someone else at one time or another. We draw a conclusion and arrive at a vedict. We base our estimation of the other party on the conclusion we have arrived at. Sometimes (and this really awful) we don't even verify the facts but merely form an opinion through hearsay.

Perhaps what we should do the next time we tend to play judge is ask ourselves whether it's any of our business what kind of person the other party is. Are we accountable for him in any way? If not, why are we so busy trying to evaluate his character, morals and ethics? It's nothing but a waste of our mental effort, which may be put to better use --  like making an honest asessment of OURSELVES and putting to rights anything which does not conform to our own high standards.

We should remind ourselves that we too may be judged. Those with religious convictions should remember there's a Higher Judge whose decision is never biased. In any event, let's all just bear in mind that when it comes to delivering judgment, there's always a court of law to perform that function. We really shouldn't bother!

REGARDING OPINIONS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Very often we're overly concerned over what others say and think about us. We place too much importance on their opinions and allow them to influence our own thoughts and actions.

When we do that, we make ourselves vulnerable unnecessarily. We can't help what others say and think. If someone is prejudiced against you for some unjustified reason, there's really nothing you can do about it. What you can do for yourself is to not let it bother you.

I'm not saying we should be totally indifferent to the opinions of everyone else. There are those whose opinions count. If you're holding a job, your boss' estimation of your job performance should matter to you. If you're selling a product or rendering a service, you can't afford to be indifferent to the opinions of your customers and clients.

Needless to say, we should care how we we stand in the regard of those whom we like, respect and admire. These are the kind of people who matter, the ones whose opinions we value. Ranking top in their list would be our loved ones, our friends and those for whom we have high regard.

But the one person whose opinion matters most is you yourself. You should always have self-esteem. If you don't, you're short of the one thing you need to make the most of your own life.

Look at yourself from an unbiased angle and pass judgment on yourself. Be neither overly harsh nor lenient in the process. Just be honest. Make an inventory of your own faults and shortcomings. Drop all the excuses. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but everyone has to do it. Decide to do something about your faults and weaknesses. Learn how to forgive yourself. You cannot venture upon a new path if you're burdened with a load of guilt and self-condemnation.

Start anew. Persist in your attempts at self-improvement until the day comes when you truly believe you're as good as anyone else. That self-opinion is really something you owe yourself.

START YOUR DAY RIGHT

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

As soon as you open your eyes each morning, your brain goes into gear and your vehicle of conscious thought starts running. The feeling you have right at that very moment may well decide how smoothly (or otherwise) your machine is going to run the rest of the day.

Watch that feeling. It can make your day. Or it can do the reverse. Emotion does not evaporate as easily as morning dew. It lurks in the back of your mind, ready to come to the fore and renew its hold on you at the first opportunity you give it.

If the very act of waking up puts you in a grumpy mood, squash that mood. You can easily do it by observing a simple ritual. Sit up in bed and stretch. Then wish yourself a very good morning out loud. Hug yourself. That gesture is significant because it says you love yourself.

Go the bathroom and splash cold water on your face. Give your reflection in the mirror a big, broad smile. The very first smile you bestow at the start of the day should always be on yourself. It gets you ready to smile at the world.

Tell yourself it's going to be a happy, productive day for you. You're going to see that it is. And you will, if you start the day right.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

You've heard it time and again and you know what it means. To err is human, to forgive divine. Even if you're an atheist who doesn't give credence to the existence of any kind of divinity, you know full the implication of that oft-repeated saying. You have to be really big to forgive, especially when the harm done you or the loss you are put to isn't something you have earned or deserve.

Let's face it, we are not always that magnanimous. To truly forgive means to absolve the other party from all blame. It's also to acknowledge that he is not indebted to you for the damage or pain he has made you suffer.

When you are unable to bring yourself to forgive, bear in mind the resentment you feel is detrimental to you alone. It eats away at you. It does not lessen with time unless you allow it to. Anger and resentment stay alive and grow if you nurse them and refuse to let them die a natural death.

If you can't bring yourself to forgive, allow yourself to forget. Make yourself forget. You know how to push thoughts from your head. You've done it time and again. Do it now. Tell yourself it's for your own good. It really is. If magnanimity of heart cannot make you put away your resentment, let self-interest do the job. Surely you CARE for yourself!

You've already been the victim of one injustice. Don't let burning resentment victimise you further. Be kind to yourself and fling from your shoulders the weight that's pinning you down.

UP ON THE LADDER

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

We're all trying to climb the ladder of success -- or, at least, progress. So we should. Nature does not allow stagnantion. If we don't climb, we fall -- because motion is the very pulse of life.

While we're climbing that ladder, we tend to regard those on the upper rungs with envy. We wish we were up there among their ranks. By itself, such wishing is not wrong. It gives us the spur we need to climb.

But while we're fixing our gaze up there on the lofty heights, let's not forget to cast our gaze down once in a while. It'll help us remember the origins from which we came. However high we scale up the ladder, once our feet were those lower rungs.

The pride of achievement should never give us a sense of superiority over those who have not reached the height we have attained. Some of them may have weaker leg muscles. Others may not be exerting enough effort. We should be grateful we were not hindered the same way.

In any event, we should remember the ladder of success isn't a very steady contraption. It can take us to lofty heights but it can also send us plunging down to great depths. However high we've climbed, we can only cling on the best we can while we try to place our foot on the next rung.

There's plenty of room up there at the top -- if we can reach it. It costs us nothing to call out encouragement to those below. Then, if we ever miss our footing, chances are we won't hear taunting laughter. A kind hand just might stretch out to catch us instead.

A MATTER OF CHOICE

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Most of us do not have the privilege to live our lives the way we want to. The even greater pity is when circumstance prevents us from cultivating and developing our inner talents, the intrinsic aptitude we have for certain things.

A person born with an unusual skill often has to earn a living which gives him no opportunity to deploy that skill. If such is your case, you probably feel bitter. You might think you're in a rut and your life is one long drudge.

There are countless others like you who are also deprived of the opportunity to do what they're really good at. Most of them feel the same way you do. Well, they're not being smart and neither are you.

If you can't have what you want, do the best with what you have. You've heard this many times in the past but you probably never gave it much thought. Do so now. Stop wasting your mental effort telling yourself how much you dislike your present circumstances if you're unable to change them. Use your brain power in a different way.

Look at your current situation with different eyes. It's as palatable to you as you want it to be. Don't think of what you have as a dish you dislike. Regard it as food you are privileged to eat.

Think of those who'll go down on their knees and thank their lucky stars if they can be in your shoes right now. If you dislike your present job, consider those who are desperate for any kind of job.

To like or dislike anything is purely a matter of personal choice. You can never excel in anything when you've convinced yourself you dislike it. Your dislike or aversion is your own mental conditioning and nothing else. Shift your mindset and give yourself a chance to adapt.

Ask yourself which is the better option -- to accept what you have with gratitude and try to make it something even better -- or to regard what you have with discontent and waste your life in endless complaint.