COMING TO TERMS

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Death may not be the most cheerful subject to touch upon but we shouldn't be reluctant or afraid to think about it. It's the one absolute certainty each and every one of us has. What begins MUST end.

There is a well-known story of a woman who approached a sage with the corpse of her only child in her arms, begging him to use his powers to bring her dead child to life again. He agreed to do it for her on one condition. She must bring him a mustard seed from a house which death has never visited.

She went through the whole town to ask for that mustard seed but the inhabitants of every house she called at told her their homes had seen death at one time or another in the past. Aggrieved, she returned to the sage and told him she could not get that mustard seed. Every single home she visited had known the presence of the Grim Reaper.

The sage comforted her by showing her how to come to terms with the death of her child. He taught her death is the inevitable outcome of life, no matter when, how or where death claims its due.

Death is the culmination of all life on the material plane. When life springs, within it is embedded its own inevitable end. We should remind ourselves of this when we are in deep grief over the death of a loved one. The question we should pose ourselves is whether it is better to remember that loved one with pain or with love. Pain serves no purposes unless it teaches. What are we learning by prolonging or sorrow?

Words of comfort help when one is in pain. So do the sympathy and concern of others. But pain can be healed soonest when the balm of wisdom is applied on the wound. It is always the right knowledge that effects all cures.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Your mind holds a ceaseless monologue during your waking moments, much like a chatterbox who talks to himself. Just examine your thoughts. You'll find that words go on in your head all the time.

What does your mind say? It voices your reactions to the circumstances surrounding you. Let's look at some of the negative things it sometimes utters -- I really hate my job, it's so hot I'm going crazy, stupid TV programme, why doesn't she drop dead and leave me alone, damn those people next door, how on earth am I going to pay the arrears of rent, why the hell wasn't I born rich, etc.

Alarming, isn't it? Yet these are the kind of words you allow to resound in your head when life doesn't turn out the way you want it to. Here's a wake-up call. When things go wrong for you, it means you have to cope with whatever's gone awry. The more negative input you feed into your mind, the less capable you are of dealing with the situation.

Switch to another tongue. Use the language of faith and determination. Stop agitating your mind-pool and let the ripples subside. Tell yourself you are calm and self-collected and that you'll find a solution to each problem. Keep on telling yourself slowly and confidently that you are deeply relaxed and in full control.

Repeat those words like a mantra. Your mind will believe you. You'll become just that -- calm, relaxed and perfectly composed. And you'll be in the best position to do what must be done.

Your mind has no mind, so to speak. It merely absorbs and reacts accordingly. Like a small child, it believes implicitly everything you tell it.

Mind your language when you talk to yourself because that child is listening all the time. Say to yourself repeatedly that you are the strong, competent person you want to be -- and your mind will use its magical powers of transformation to turn you into just such an individual.

WALKING PROUD

Article by

KAYSOON KHOO

Life is a battlefield and many a time we have to fight for our very survival. Poverty, disease and crime are enemies we have to constantly battle against. When these three get the upper hand or run out of control, we face problems we cannot cope with. They seldom lose their grip or die a natural death if they are left alone.

There is yet one more formidabe adversary we have to contend against. Unfortunately, we seldom think about this foe or even recognise it as a foe.

It is the self -- or rather, the down-dragging tendency of the self. Let's think of it as our dark half. You may think the term overly dramatic but it is not. It is this aspect of the human personality that causes the greatest harm to our own selves as well as to others.

If we just take time to reflect, we'll know what are the components which make up our dark half. Greed, envy and unconscionableness are its three most formidable aspects. When they hold sway, the humane part of us recedes into the background of our consciousness. Then we find ourselves capable of justifying anything we do.

These are poisonous plants which do not spring into full growth overnight. They creep up on us and gain control over us by gradual stages. We don't even have to nourish them. All we have to do is ignore them and they will continue to grow of their own accord. They thrive best when we lie to ourselves, when we refuse to do honest soul-searching and acknowledge our own defects.

It will never do to refuse to face our dark half and contend against it. It is what every religious creed and every worthwhile philosophy tells us to guard against. Ultimately, it is the very thing that robs us of our humanity and takes away our justification for being alive.

When the day ends for each of us, we want to go into the sunset with our heads held high, not with our backs bowed by guilt and self-reproach. When we walk away, we want to walk proud.